Just don’t. I made the unfortunate error on Friday of shaving my balls (just in case I got a chance with The Russian). I wanted that smooth slick porn star look, so I could rock out with my cock out.

What nobody tells you is that you’re going to get ingrown hairs. Jesus Fucken’ Christ! I have like twenty of them growing into my balls as we speak. They just keep swelling. Twenty giant fucking bumps growing all over my balls. It actually looks like my balls have balls.

I’m the fucking phallic version of Quasimodo. I tried squeezing the fuckers but it’s too God damn painful. So I’m just walking around like T.R Knight after a big night at the ‘Y’.

I’m officially out of action until this clears up (not that that’s going to be a problem due to my recent slump). If any chick sees this crap she’s going to think I have polio. Stories of guys with disfigured genitalia spread faster than syphilis in a trailer park.

Guess I’m going to be home alone this Saturday, drinking sherry and jacking off to striptease videos on YouTube. Morale of the story. Do not shave your fucking balls.